Unfortunately I am human.
Yes at times I feel it is sin, something wrong to be. That's right I do not want to be a human. To many limitations, feelings, doubts, dashed dreams, goals, and far too many unexpected events that challenge me to be civil and calm.
Ok, now that I have admitted this, I certainly do judge and disapprove of myself at times and want to run from who I think I am.
So much time invested in the pretense just so that i will have the approval and admiration from others. I want to be successful in the eyes of others.
The perception of success is not necessarily success.
Oh yes it may appear to you that I am successful particularly if i am making lots of money, have homes, cars, property, savings in the bank and that trophy wife...... but that is not necessarily success.
Yes it is success if I make what the world calls success, successful, because that is what is accepted.....but there is a lot work that goes into getting others to consider us successful.
Lots of work.....our motives come out of the perception that we are not and that we should be.
That's right why would anyone want that kind of attention? As if attention is what they want?
The answer is simple......we do not feel successful, we do not feel approved of and in control. yes,
to want anything from the world implies a lack, an not having..
We go to great measures and extremes to have the world give us what we in reality already have, just waiting inside for us to discover.
Yes .....it is there......self love and self approval, and if you can see what i am saying as so.....you can have as much as you want and never run out.
That's right just through out the day ......love and approve yourself, regardless of what happens.
Go ahead give it a try... If you are stuck it is only because you have a lot of self judgment and self disapproval..
So one way is to let go of this energy of judgment, and forgive yourself when thoughts of desire, expectation, pain and suffering overwhelm you.
Please try it.......and if you need any assistance please give me a call.
Steven Shaps
Stevenshapsmft.com
Monday, January 25, 2010
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Giving Up Control, The last Frontier.
We hear so much about control.
What is it?
What is it's Purpose?
Can we really control circumstances, people and events?
Whats it really like to be in control?
How does it feel to want control?
These questions are the basis for my blog.
The answers may not come as easy as we would like yet the fact that we want to control everything in our lives is a reality that all of us deal with each day as the events, circumstances, and people around us tend to not always comply with our most desperate attempts to get them to behave as desired,
Do you have a challenge letting go? Giving in? Calming down? Being Still or being at peace?
If you do, you may be more afraid then you would like to admit, or perhaps you can admit it yet seek release from this place of stuckness.
What is the cost of protecting yourself with fear? Does fear offer you a way to free yourself from the bonds of your perceptions?
Probably not, Yet we have to start somewhere....
All emotions are tied to our perceptions, that is the way we interpret our world.
Many of us have entire worlds inside ourselves where we create our own realities. These created realities may have no basis or foundation outside of our experience.
So when we hold onto a position or point of view, we essential want to control or have an outcome that we feel and think has a benefit for ourselves. ,
Could you let go of the energy, or the emotion that occurs when you want control and literally feel that you are out of control, lacking control?
If you can release this emotion this energy that that is there, you are well on your way to coming into control.
We are in control when we literally let go of wanting control, that is when we have no attachment one way or another about the outcome or how events occur in our lives
When this happens, our minds our quiet, we are calm and relaxed.....peace is at hand.....
*Is this something you would like to have?
If so please contact me at 310.666.8807
Steven Shaps MFT
www.stevenshapsmft.com
Yet true control
What is it?
What is it's Purpose?
Can we really control circumstances, people and events?
Whats it really like to be in control?
How does it feel to want control?
These questions are the basis for my blog.
The answers may not come as easy as we would like yet the fact that we want to control everything in our lives is a reality that all of us deal with each day as the events, circumstances, and people around us tend to not always comply with our most desperate attempts to get them to behave as desired,
Do you have a challenge letting go? Giving in? Calming down? Being Still or being at peace?
If you do, you may be more afraid then you would like to admit, or perhaps you can admit it yet seek release from this place of stuckness.
What is the cost of protecting yourself with fear? Does fear offer you a way to free yourself from the bonds of your perceptions?
Probably not, Yet we have to start somewhere....
All emotions are tied to our perceptions, that is the way we interpret our world.
Many of us have entire worlds inside ourselves where we create our own realities. These created realities may have no basis or foundation outside of our experience.
So when we hold onto a position or point of view, we essential want to control or have an outcome that we feel and think has a benefit for ourselves. ,
Could you let go of the energy, or the emotion that occurs when you want control and literally feel that you are out of control, lacking control?
If you can release this emotion this energy that that is there, you are well on your way to coming into control.
We are in control when we literally let go of wanting control, that is when we have no attachment one way or another about the outcome or how events occur in our lives
When this happens, our minds our quiet, we are calm and relaxed.....peace is at hand.....
*Is this something you would like to have?
If so please contact me at 310.666.8807
Steven Shaps MFT
www.stevenshapsmft.com
Yet true control
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Anger,"It is not What You Think It is"
After many years of teaching others, working within the mental health world and probably most importantly dealing with my own issues around Anger as a male in western culture, I have come to A great realization.
"Anger is not What I think it is"
In fact the more I thought about all of the times i have gotten angry, exploded and hurt others as well been angry with myself and kept my feelings in, the more it stayed in place.
The more I judged it, disapproved of it, made it wrong, was embarrased by it, avoided talking about it, hid behind a thin clear veneer of shame the more it waited with intensity to be released and or kept in.
In thinking about it, I was really keeping it in place and it was there to be released, to be brought up, and let go of.
Needless to say up until just recent times, I never really welcomed my feelings. I never "loved" them, Yes loved them.
When entering a new relationship, and I heard a woman speak about not wanting to be around another man with issues of Anger, I withdrew into my shell and thought, " Oh no, if she finds out about me, I will be dumped." Of course i would be reluctant to speak about the unspeakable and that was exactly what i needed to do, at least, the very least with myself.
Welcoming and loving all feelings, Accepting these parts of me, in actually makes me who I am.
Now that does not mean, I condone or will permit in-appropriate behavior. What I mean is to be aware of the feelings that are there as they rise, and to be honest about them, If I am upset there is nothing wrong with that, I do not have make me for having feelings. Most of beat ourselves up for thinking we should hot them.
In essence we should all over ourselves.
Releasing feelings occures all of the time, as a matter scienece we are energy beings, so when i speak of feelings, and sensations of the body, it is really energy that is coming up to be released, or another word is phenomena........
So we could say, "I am experiencing Energy right now and it is coming up to be released"
So when i saw the energy (emotions rise) I became aware that it wanted release. For example
"I am aware of the energy of Anger" Or " I am aware that I am upset right now"
These statements have a way of bringing us to the present moment, by acknowledging what we are experiencing,.
Notice there is no judgment here, though we may be judging our very own experience or even pushing it away.....which i might say really keeps us stuck.
Most of us make our feelngs or the energy we experience as wrong, and will do anything to get away from them,
We really have learned to defend ourselves with our feelngs, that is mistakenly protecting ourselves, which is silly, cause the feelings, energy, or phenomena really seeks realease and there is nothing wrong about them.
Part of the challenge is when we go to the mind, the cognitive portion of brains in attempt to figure out, "Why am i angry, I want to know. This is our ego's attempt to satisfy it notion, that we should know the answers and if we look at our history, the answers are not there........
Remember all feelings even the good ones are defensive postures that prevents us from letting go. Here is the rub, when we are defending ourselves, letting go is the last path we take isn't it?
Actually we are really out of control and we want to be control, which the same things as saying we experiencing the feeligns of lacking control and we do not know how to release to come into a centered calm, or relaxed of mind.
"Letting go" and or releasing the energy of feelings and emotions, will bring us back to center.
If you would like to know more about this process and how to release. Please visit my website and or call me
Steven Shaps
www.stevenshapsmft.com
www.stevenshapsmft@hotmail.com
503.853.4275
"Anger is not What I think it is"
In fact the more I thought about all of the times i have gotten angry, exploded and hurt others as well been angry with myself and kept my feelings in, the more it stayed in place.
The more I judged it, disapproved of it, made it wrong, was embarrased by it, avoided talking about it, hid behind a thin clear veneer of shame the more it waited with intensity to be released and or kept in.
In thinking about it, I was really keeping it in place and it was there to be released, to be brought up, and let go of.
Needless to say up until just recent times, I never really welcomed my feelings. I never "loved" them, Yes loved them.
When entering a new relationship, and I heard a woman speak about not wanting to be around another man with issues of Anger, I withdrew into my shell and thought, " Oh no, if she finds out about me, I will be dumped." Of course i would be reluctant to speak about the unspeakable and that was exactly what i needed to do, at least, the very least with myself.
Welcoming and loving all feelings, Accepting these parts of me, in actually makes me who I am.
Now that does not mean, I condone or will permit in-appropriate behavior. What I mean is to be aware of the feelings that are there as they rise, and to be honest about them, If I am upset there is nothing wrong with that, I do not have make me for having feelings. Most of beat ourselves up for thinking we should hot them.
In essence we should all over ourselves.
Releasing feelings occures all of the time, as a matter scienece we are energy beings, so when i speak of feelings, and sensations of the body, it is really energy that is coming up to be released, or another word is phenomena........
So we could say, "I am experiencing Energy right now and it is coming up to be released"
So when i saw the energy (emotions rise) I became aware that it wanted release. For example
"I am aware of the energy of Anger" Or " I am aware that I am upset right now"
These statements have a way of bringing us to the present moment, by acknowledging what we are experiencing,.
Notice there is no judgment here, though we may be judging our very own experience or even pushing it away.....which i might say really keeps us stuck.
Most of us make our feelngs or the energy we experience as wrong, and will do anything to get away from them,
We really have learned to defend ourselves with our feelngs, that is mistakenly protecting ourselves, which is silly, cause the feelings, energy, or phenomena really seeks realease and there is nothing wrong about them.
Part of the challenge is when we go to the mind, the cognitive portion of brains in attempt to figure out, "Why am i angry, I want to know. This is our ego's attempt to satisfy it notion, that we should know the answers and if we look at our history, the answers are not there........
Remember all feelings even the good ones are defensive postures that prevents us from letting go. Here is the rub, when we are defending ourselves, letting go is the last path we take isn't it?
Actually we are really out of control and we want to be control, which the same things as saying we experiencing the feeligns of lacking control and we do not know how to release to come into a centered calm, or relaxed of mind.
"Letting go" and or releasing the energy of feelings and emotions, will bring us back to center.
If you would like to know more about this process and how to release. Please visit my website and or call me
Steven Shaps
www.stevenshapsmft.com
www.stevenshapsmft@hotmail.com
503.853.4275
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